The Goddess Rising

Unexpectedly, due to reading Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton at the onset of 2017, this book paved the way to facing my emotions, pain and suffering straight on for the rest of the year. I allowed them to surface and I did my best to UNDERSTAND, ACCEPT and then TRANSFORM them. It wasn’t an easy year (to say the least), but I can honestly say that a lot of healing took place and I am much more at peace walking into 2018. I have a greater understanding of healing. A definite part of healing is also about surrendering, letting go and trusting the universe. Healing isn’t just waiting for time to pass until I forget or throwing myself into a number of distractions so I don’t feel anything. No, these are ways in order to escape healing.

There was much that I had to let go of as 2017 was also about reclaiming and rediscovering who I really am and letting go of so many lies, stories and expectations that were dis-serving me. With a shamanic journey to the underworld in March, I was able to reclaim the beauty of my being and reclaim inner peace. I remember being in absolute disbelief when I saw the beauty of my soul encumbered in a wooden room with locks upon chains on the door. She had flew to the depths of the earth and locked herself away for protection. She could no longer live within me as the way my life had taken course was absolutely blasphemous to her. As I took her out of the room to journey back to the world with me, I knew that I could never lock her away in that room again. I cannot allow myself to live in ways that goes against my soul. This is a promise I have vowed to keep for the rest of time.

While walking home after dropping the boys off at daycare one day in October, I imagined what a conversation about their dad might look like one day and it immediately brought my spirits low. I decided to go for a jog. I later found myself in meditation in the park and found myself recalling the goddess Kali. In my recent studies of ancient goddesses, I began to draw inspiration from them and tap into my own inner goddess. Kali is a fierce Hindu goddess that cuts the demons out of our life. I decided right then and there that I would cut the suffering out of my life. I remember standing on the grass and crossing my arms in front of my upper body and rigorously slicing through the air as I squatted. It was the powerful murdra of Kali as I envisioned cutting out all the suffering from my life. In doing this, I knew it wasn’t about building up walls, hardening my heart and contracting. It was about becoming expansive and allowing my ego to descend. I was able to recognize the joy Benito brings to Aragon and Haigan’s lives (even if it is only twice a year). I was able to understand that Benito is not ill-intentioned, but that at the same time, I do not need to constantly be burned by him. I no longer need to be a warrior for my kids. Instead...I need to be a goddess.

I know that the term goddess might seem something magically far-fetched and slightly egoist, but just hear my out :p There is not one day that I do not recall how I embraced both Aragon and Haigan into this world without any stability of my own, except with the core belief that they were destined to be little gods of this world...revolutionaries. Both of their names, Aragon Indra Aurelius and Haigan Iason Blasius were carefully crafted to represent key concepts such as freedom and truth. I watch how these little boys interact. They very much play off of each other’s energies and I can’t help, but imagine the two of them being powerful leaders together in the future. So in the midst of raising little gods and studying goddesses, I came to discover that many goddesses are actually mothers...and that perhaps, I too, could actually be a goddess simply because my sons are gods. I believe it is Aragon and Haigan that actually push me into becoming magically glorious because they deserve a goddess as a mother. A mother that exhibits incandescent love, light, beauty and peace.

So I invite you in my new journey this 2018, it isn't one of healing anymore, it's one of rising as a goddess (and boy, does this sound exceptionally overwhelming :p).