Love Warrior.

At the onset of this year, I read a remarkable life changing book called Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton. I wasn’t sure what I was getting into when I first downloaded her book onto my Kobo, but the title surely did appeal to me when I saw it enumerated on a list of spiritual guidebooks for 2017. As I “tore” through the pages of her book in a matter of days, I read about the author’s pain and healing in a way that connected with my own, albeit very different circumstances. She was able to elaborate on these terms through her own personal reflection of her journey so accurately that it felt as if a personal longing of my own was met. As I read her book, I wept, “Finally! Someone who knows my pain!”. This book inspired me. It inspired me to continue on my own personal journey of healing by confronting the depths of my pain, instead of masking it behind in my shadows. I am now inspired to speak truthfully and compassionately about my own story (hence this blog :p).

As Glennon shared about how people reacted to what she was going through, I felt the exact same way. A large part of our society does not know how to deal with pain. People hear bits and pieces of our stories and immediately jump to conclusions offering their (unsolicited) advice, trying to solve, compare and diagnose our pain to normalize the depths of it so that at the end of the day, they can feel better about our situations. This in no way addresses the actual depths of pain. It is not that people are ill-intentioned, I am probably guilty of having done the same in the past. I believe it is because speaking and dealing with pain has become such a taboo in our society that in our day to day interactions, we hide it so well that when it does come to surface at times, bystanders whether they be close friends or family are often caught like a deer in headlights trying to deal with it. I’m coming to understand more and more though that pain is not a bad thing that we need to hide from one another. It is not shameful. It allows one to progress, grow and adapt to live more completely and love more fully. We do not need to be afraid of exposing our real selves. We all just need to be greater at being non-judgmental listeners.

Pain allows us to go within ourselves, listen and feel the depths of our being. It requires shamelessness and fearlessness. In a few days, I will encounter the father of my beloved boys. It has been more than a year that I flew (quite literally) from his presence. Yes, I am quite anxious about the reunion and as to how it will unfold. It could go well and it could go terribly, but all I know is that I need to be present with him and feel whatever emotions I feel inside of me. I need to allow them to surface and deal with them; I need to face them in order to move on. This is not an easy feat. Be with me as I journey towards being my own version of a love warrior.